Friday, August 21, 2015

guest post: what they don’t tell you about Fuck Boys. [NaBloPoMo 21]

Today's NaBloPoMo post is a guest post by my friend Kristen! Kristen is fierce and one of the most interesting people I know. We share a love of food, writing, and Taylor Swift--among many other things. She's the person I trust to give advice to me straight and to not bullshit around the hard stuff. She also understands when I want to stay in on a Friday night, order takeout, and watch Netflix because there's a 90% chance she'll be doing the same. 

I'm lucky to have friends who are insightful, witty, and just damn good at putting words onto paper. So without further ado, the first guest post in this month's NaBloPoMo (and first guest post on my blog ever!)


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In the age of dating apps like Tinder, we have become all too familiar with the term "Fuck Boy." For those of you who have opened another tab to Urban Dictionary it, let me save you the trouble by summarizing it for you like this: Fuck Boys are guys who seek relationships purely for self-gain and show no remorse for the trail of broken hearts they leave behind them. I wish I could sit here and ramble on about my past relationships (all two of them) and wow you with funny stories and infinite words of wisdom of having to deal with these types, but I can’t. It’s pretty dang hard to point them out sometimes. Like Taylor Swift said, “You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.”


Even at 25, I can still relate to wisdom imparted from 20sih-year-old Taylor Swift, which just goes to show you how dang confusing dating and relationships are. 40-year-olds can be as fickle as 15-year-olds. You might meet the one at 27, or you might meet them at 16 and have to wait a couple years. It’s all a great big beautiful mess.

So readers of TGL’s blog, I present to you what I believe to be the situations in which it is hardest to spot a Fuck Boy:

Independence:
A good guy helps you gain your independence by encouraging you to step outside of your comfort zone. You can’t help but tell him your hopes and dreams, and he will ask you why you aren’t trying to make them a reality. A Fuck Boy creates independence through neglect. You can’t rely on him so you are taught to rely only on yourself. “We have our own space. This is awesome. We are a stronger couple being able to be apart like this,” you tell yourself. You don’t even realize what’s happening until someone comes along, treats you better, and makes you realize that being independent also means accepting help.

Kindness:
A good guy goes above and beyond because that is just how he treats everybody. Kindness isn’t something that he does, it is just how he is. He takes care of you and understands that caring for you also means caring for the people you are closest to for the sole reason that they are important to you. A Fuck Boy does only what he thinks he is supposed to do, the bare minimum. He opens doors, he’s nice to your parents, and he tells you you’re pretty but only when you’re wearing makeup.

Growth:
A good guy challenges you to be a better person when life presents you with an obstacle. He will be your biggest cheerleader, the loudest mom on the soccer field, and he will sit next to you on the sidelines even if you’ve scored a goal on your own team. A Fuck Boy creates these unnecessary obstacles and fools you into thinking that jumping through these hoops will help you grow as a person, but it’s really to keep you down because his insecurities have gotten the best of him and he sees your success as a threat. “We fight a lot, but no couple is perfect. We are stronger because we can work through these things.”

Adventure:
A good guy is adventurous. He wants to be a traveler not a tourist, and he is aware of the effect his presence may have on others. He stays on the designated trails not because he follows rules, but because he understands the consequences if he doesn’t. A Fuck Boy is reckless. He breaks rules because it’s the cheapest shot of adrenaline and feels entitled to any experience life has to offer even if it’s at another person’s expense. Oh, and he probably litters.

True Sacrifice:
A good guy makes sacrifices knowing he might be left empty handed. He says you can have half of his burrito knowing you might just eat all of it. A Fuck Boy only makes the sacrifices within his capabilities, making sure he still comes out on top. You get your own burrito because he ordered two for himself. “Lucky you,” he says.

When you have to hurt him (and it will happen):
A good guy loves you enough to let you go when you ask him. It hurts him but he respects your decision because seeing you unhappy hurts him more. A Fuck Boy will have already cheated on you and when you ask him about it, he will say he doesn’t have to answer because you guys aren’t together anymore, but that’s OK. It makes it just that much easier for you to leave him and start actually living.

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