I Don't Own a Rice Cooker

Sunday, July 17, 2016 / 3:10 PM

OK. I'm going to do it. After five years of living on the East Coast, I'm taking the plunge: I'm going to buy a rice cooker.

Every time I tell someone I don't own a rice cooker, they stare at me with eyes that say, "But how?" mixed in with the more awkward, "Don't you eat a lot of rice, because....you know..."

If you know me, you know I've been lazy about cooking over the last couple of years, despite having a decently nice kitchen. I could lob my various excuses at you about why that is, but that's irrelevant here--

Except...actually, it is kind of relevant. What if I buy a rice cooker and don't use it that often? And because I was raised by a family who made their American Dream a reality thanks to being chefs, buying a cheap rice cooker would be side-eyed so hard. Trust me: I asked them and they all recommended the Asian brands. Those ain't cheap.

So, OK. Say I buy something in the Zojirushi/Tiger realm (or this InstaPot, which has been all over my Facebook feed lately). And say I do use it every night and it becomes my best friend. And then something happens and off to another city I go... not only do I have to factor in the moving cost of this rice cooker, but what if it gets damaged in the process?

And not just the rice cooker... Three and a half years ago I finally bought a shoe rack when I realized I wasn't moving anytime soon and I was getting tired of tripping over my shoes. Then six months later I bought a coat rack. I've already been agonizing about moving these things one day. Do I have the mental energy to factor in a rice cooker?

And oh god, what if I become so dependent on this rice cooker and one day it lets me down? Like, it burns everything. Oh god, what if it blew up and burned my whole apartment down? Can rice cookers blow up? Let me Google it.

Oh god, yes they can. Do you ever think about how terrifying it is to live in an apartment building where someone else can be the cause of your personal loss? Like, if my neighbor with the loud kids flooded the hall, my apartment would be affected through no fault of my own. If I burn down my apartment building, then everyone would be so mad.

I guess then I wouldn't have to worry about the shoe rack and coat rack then.

Maybe I'll wait on the rice cooker right now.

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