Thursday, January 7, 2016

oh well.

I wanted so badly for my first blog post of 2016 to be one of reflection and sprinkled with a little bit of hope. There are drafts and ideas jotted down on my phone for several posts -- there's one about my four-year anniversary of having moved to New York, and one about my most-listened-to music according to Spotify from last year. There was also one that was sort of a love letter back to California (I know, I know).

But, nope. This post is going to be how you probably all know me best: full of anxiety, insomnia, and too many thoughts to fit into my brain in a proper and orderly fashion.

I mean... we're barely into the new year and about 45 minutes ago I've just had my first "crying because you're too stressed and frustrated to do anything else" moment.

I wish I could say my New Year's Resolution is to put my foot down more. To be confident. To stand up for my work. To stand up for my ideas.

To basically prove to everyone who's suggested over the last six months I'm un-fucking-qualified to do what I'm doing that they're wrong.

Whatever. Here's a list of things that make I'm currently doing to make me happy when I'm feeling blue:
  • Binge-watching favorite shows (old and new -- I just blew through The Comeback)
  • Watching something I know will make me laugh (currently switched to: The Late Late Show)
  • Talking to Kristen
  • Drinking water 
OK. I'm fine.


  1. I don't know you, but I've spent a lot of this year crying already.

    I think the crying has a purpose too. I think that I cry because there are emotions in me that I don't have any other way to process and my body is so desperate to make sure I *have emotions* that it will over ride my desire to be numb. I try to believe that the tears are partially my body's way of telling me that I matter. That my frustration and my anxiety are allowed to exist in the world.

    I cry a lot too. I am trying to think it is ok. You don't have to share any of my views. :) But you aren't alone in crying. Sometimes knowing I'm not alone helps me.

    I hope I'm not being weird or offensive.

    1. "i try to believe that the tears are partially my body's way of telling me that I matter." <-- love that

      Thanks for reading and commenting

  2. I had a good sob on New Years eve because I was so moved by all the lfe I heard in the voices doing the countdown in the neighboring apartments. I was so grateful that people were happy, having a cheer...and that I was comfortably wrapped in a blanket sitting on my heated window sill. I cried for all the ups and downs and let it all just come out. Its good to shed a tear or two, its what makes us human...these feels! :) oh the feels!