Wednesday, June 6, 2012

away we roll.

The idea of "the perfect relationship" perplexes me. In any relationship--friendship, romantic, family--there will be so many bumps and twists in the road that it's impossible to say with certainty, "Yes, this is it." It seems more natural to just fuck things up. (Or maybe that's just me...?)

There's this episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted starts dating a girl he dumped three years ago because he thinks perhaps his tastes have changed, and things are great until he decides that the girl isn't "the one," so he dumps her (on her birthday, for the second time, nonetheless).

I can understand that, I think, because I've been there. I've gotten involved with people I had no intention of going anywhere with. I have, to steal the stupid words said to me recently, "dated people to discard them." And it was dumb, but then I focused on other things: finishing school with all of the opportunities presented to me, forging deep friendships with new and old comrades, taking the time for people who matter, and chasing a life that never felt certain (but fuck it if I didn't try, if I didn't do something).

I grew up. I saw what it meant to really try to maintain connections with people (and what it meant to not try and just rely on fate to keep you close), and that is something I value more than the people I discarded. I know, I know--I'm still so young! 23! Who figures out life when you're just 23? That's not par for the course in this day and age. If I'm not lost and confused and just fucking around, then I'm not normal.

From Shel Silverstein's "The Missing Piece Meets the Big O." Read it here.


  1. I wish I had some wisdom for you, Traci. At 23, I had been married for 4 years, had a newborn baby and was attending college full time. There isn't one day that I am not thankful for the life I have and the man who lives it with me (he's pretty great). I was never a determined girl, in fact I dated people in high school simply because they wanted to date me--of course they also dumped me after 2 months (which was truly a blessing because they were all jerks). I guess I flew by the seat of my pants when it came to relationships--just kind of, "did."
    I'm not sure of your exact situation, and maybe I am a little old fashioned or non-feminist, but when someone special comes around, someone you can talk to you about ANYTHING at ANYTIME, who you think about night and day and can see yourself with, you drop everything and be with them. I'm not saying you give up on careers or opportunities (a good man will go with YOU also), but I'm saying that there is more to life than being successful at a job--of course, a job is necessary. But you have to ask what it is you want out of life: do you want to live to work, or work to live? And how do you want to live? Does this make sense?

    I'll be 30 this year and oh my, I don't have everything figured out. I believe that you never have life figured out because each stage of our lives bring something new. Life is not about "figuring out," it's not an equation or one single lesson that you "get." It's a journey and ever-changing. I never thought/imagined I would be a homemaker--EVER--and now I can't imagine doing anything else right now.

    (Possibly unwanted advice:) Don't let a good one go, because there aren't many out there (if it is you doing the pushing away). And don't stress if there isn't a good one to hold onto yet, because you are young, and beautiful with a bright spirit that shines through everything you do. There's a song I like that says in the chorus: "Home is where ever I am with you", it reminds me that no matter what happens, we (me and my family/husband) will be okay because we will still have each other.

    1. I appreciate your advice anytime, Robyn :) I think I'm at that point where I have to wonder: what if you find that person, but they aren't in the same place? It's weird to find that person who is in the same place at the same time--the same page, as it were. I suppose, like the Silverstein piece, it's all a process and journey through life to figure it out.