Monday, August 9, 2010

interruption.

If I was a more motivated person, I'd probably accomplish a lot in a day. If I was smarter, I might be able to write better. If I was taller, I'd have less problems. If I spent less time obsessing over my email, I'd be less stressed. If I wore my glasses everyday (like I should), I'd experience more in a day. If I drank less coffee, I might sleep better. If I slept more, I would need to drink less coffee. If I gave a mouse a cookie, he'd probably want milk.

The "what if" game is terrible. Nobody enjoys it, yet we all partake in it. It's common to ponder the woulda, coulda, shouldas and I find myself doing it far too often. One of the biggest flaws of the "what if" game is that it's an unproductive use of thought. You can't ever really know what would've happened had you chosen Path A rather than B. And who's to say you wouldn't be just as miserable/happy/sad/angry as you are right now? You'd probably be playing the "what if" game still.

One of the biggest "what if" games I've played caused me to question my confidence in my ability to make a strong and assertive judgment. "What if I stayed in Sacramento?" I sailed into CSUS and the honors program and, had I stayed, I'd be surrounded by familiar friends and a familiar environment. There were so many benefits, but another one of the "what if" game's flaws is that you never really take the negatives into account. The truth is that if I had stayed, I would've missed an integral part of growing up: the complete separation from those familiar people and familiar surroundings. Not that "growing up" can't occur while staying in your comfort zone, but that's a different process with a different outcome. Unprepared independence, however, hits you hard. It's a struggle. It makes you play the "what if" game far too often and, as a result, cause you to lose appreciation for the glasses-half-full that exist on the table before you. I've always been afraid of losing the present moment and the "what if" game is a surefire way of doing that.

I don't know how short or long my life will last, but when you compare it to the "bigger picture," I know it's much too short to dwell in lost possibilities - just one of the several life lessons I'm learning to remember.

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